A Letter from Bee to old past Me!

Dear Old Me, 

So like everyone else I have been following the #fmsphotoaday for March, totally enjoying & what an awesome creative chick Chantelle is to even come up with the idea (find out more about the photo challenge & much more here http://fatmumslim.com.au/about/meet-chantelle/).

Day 18 was "Letter" I knew when I saw this on Day 1 exactly what I wanted to do, it was something I have always wanted to do, thought about it always but never done it yet.It was to write a letter from the new me Bee to the past old me. The me that was not coping, the me that was drowning, the me that was lost, the me that was not being honest & coming out saying "I think I am depressed, I don't like being a mother, I think I may be post natal!" I only told the truth about this a couple of years ago even the though the new Bee had already started to be created I needed to be honest with what the old past Bee was all about.

This letter is really important to me I guess it represents a "goodbye" to the old me not that I did not like her but it was time to let her go, life has changed & I now know how to accepted that. So pen to paper on the 18th of March I let it all out, I let it  flowed (felt so good!!!!)  I share it now cause I am not ashamed I dedicate this letter not only to me but to all of those mums out there that may have had their own journey or are going through one & I can totally appreciate the feeling . The grieving of your old self, the woman that was before the children.

                                                                    Dear Old Me, 

Yes you are about to end up having your first child  in July

you know that not once did you feel scared or anxious you could not work out why? 

I guess not being honest, you knew you were thinking "do I even want to be a mother? 

let alone knowing how to love him or her! 

She was born, we came home it all just felt so strange

all of sudden you hid inside you felt trapped, you were in a cage

days rolled just like your hidden tears

but silly you, you tell no-one cause it will bring up all fears

BUT that is okay looking back you were strong 

soon enough you realise it won't be for long 

you will open the gate you will learn 

you will ask for support then your love will start to burn

along the way you will fail, you will fall

you will be one hell of ya messy hall

The biggest discovery you will make 

that everything that was happening was not fake

So you may have not had that motherly love connection 

but step by step you create love & affection 

But how, how did it all happen? 

All i know it was not from nappen

You grieved, yes you cried about your old self 

most all you you knew it was time you got HELP! 

You learnt to balance, how to cope 

how to accept along with how to hope 

you did get down pretty low 

BUT you survived! & oh my god did you GROW! 

 mummy meltdown moments happen you scream & shout

sometimes you will catch your self trying to pull your hair out! 

But you are different now you make sure those moments are few & far 

by breathing deep & remember who you are, 

your BEE who LOVES 

your BEE who rises above

I love my new me I landed on my feet 

My daughters I love you all fine & petite 

Love Bee xx